Strong Words, Softly Spoken

First and foremost, I’m going to hell for writing about this.

Last night Alex, Ben & myself went to the lovely, sweetly-smelling Carmike 10 aka The Dollar Theatre in Hoover to see Leatherheads. Right as the previews were coming on, the door opens and these 3 men come in and sit down directly beside me. I really hate when people come sit next to you when the theatre is not full. I mean, why would you do that when you could have your personal space? But as they were walking over I discovered that the one that sat down beside me had downs syndrome so I was like..oh…ok, well, in that case I won’t be too irritated.

I’ve had experience with people with Downs Syndrome before. I had a friend named April who passed away when I was a senior in high school. She had Downs Syndrome and was by far the sweetest person I have ever met in my entire life. I love her and miss her terribly. The kid last night…completely different than I’ve ever experienced before. First off, he liked to stare. Alot. And I mean he would get right in my face and just….stare. I was just waiting for him to touch me. I don’t know what I would’ve done at that point. I was leaning as close to Alex as I could without actually sitting in his lap. It was so awkward.

The staring was the worst part, but not all. Besides that, he would clap repeatedly. He’d clap 5 times…be still…clap 5 times…be still….clap 5 times…you get the picture. Then there was his hat. He had a hat on that he kept removing and waving around in the air. The whole movie. Then he’d kick the chair in front of him repeatedly. The poor girl sitting in it…it was her birthday….and well, I’m sure she enjoyed being kicked. Now here’s the kicker (ha. no pun intended) – and I have to say this sort of offended me a bit. Every single time Renee Zellweger came onscreen, this kid would say “STUPID BITCH” really loudly. EVERY SINGLE TIME. After the 50th time of it I had to start wondering if he had something against women…because it wasn’t exactly warranted. So imagine how much more uncomfortable it made me feelling like I had a woman hater staring me down for 2 hours.

It wasn’t all uncomfortable though. There is some entertainment value in all of this. During the big football game scene at the end, the kid got really excited and was yelling at the screen…rooting the teams on and what-not. He was so worked up about it and the team went to kick a field goal…and when it went through the uprights, my new friend to my left threw his hands up in the air, mimicking the referee, and yelled………………………………………………………….. “HOME RUN!”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my Thursday night.

So, my family is crazy. There’s no doubt about that. If you’ve never met my mom or my stepdad or his side of the family, then you are missing out on some entertaining, yet extremely eccentric characters, that’s for sure.

My mom spent Memorial Day in Gulf Shores, like she spends pretty much every free weekend she has. I called her today to see if she had made it home and I asked her if anything exciting happened this past weekend. I expected to hear “oh, no…not really.” Instead she says, “well, funny you should ask…” Sunday night she & my stepdad went the FloraBama, along with my aunt Jackie & her husband Alan, my aunt Linda and my cousin Cheryl and her husband Randy. They had all been sitting at a table listening to the band, and at some point they all got up and started dancing. All of them. Which left their table empty.

Apparently some drunk girl and her boyfriend came over and started to sit down at their table. My mom went over to her and told her “I’m sorry, this is our table. We’re sitting here.” The girl looked at her and said “well, sit down then.” My mom told her that they were dancing and would be back when the song was over, but the girl sat down at the table anyway. So, sure enough, the song ended and they all went back over to sit down. My mom told the girl, ok we need our table back. So, this girl proceeds to get up in my mother’s face, calling her a bitch and what-not. My stepdad started to say something to her, but Randy said “don’t even bother, I’ll go get security.” Randy ventures off to get security, and in the meantime my aunt Linda has gotten up telling this chick that she needs to not talk to my mom this way. Right as this woman is about to light into Linda, she whirls around and my mom sees that her back is wet. Yes, in the middle of all of this name calling and threatening, my aunt Jackie has thrown a glass of water all over the girl. So, security shows up and kicks the girl AND my aunt Jackie out, and in turn, escorts everyone with Jackie outside as well.

Yes, folks, my 58 year old mother was almost in a bar fight and got thrown out of the FloraBama this weekend. I’m so proud.

Yesterday Alex & I went out to Moss Rock Preserve with Raimi and some friends and their dog. I had never been before, and honestly I hadn’t ever heard of it until Alex went out there a few weeks ago. It’s a really gorgeous place and a great place to go hiking or for a long walk and it’s SO close to our house. It’s funny house close to the city it is, yet out there you feel completely and totally surrounded by nature.

We took some pictures and I just wanted to share some of them.

Today is not such a good day. I’m down. Low. Sad. Depressed. Insecure. Any other negative connotation you can think of, in fact. And I really have no idea why. Nothing happened. It’s not PMS. It just….is not such a good day for my emotional well being. And this has been building the last couple of days.

A good friend of mine used to tell me that I had one of the highest self esteems of anyone he knew. I find that hilarious, and feel horribly sad for everyone else he knows because that isn’t saying much for them. I’m incredibly insecure. INCREDIBLY. I constantly think others are better, prettier, and so on and so forth, and I just really never feel good enough. And it’s funny how our minds play tricks on us and add to this horrible way of thinking. I’m thinner and weigh less right now than I did in high school. I’ve gone down a full clothing size in the last year, and because of this I have had to go buy smaller clothing. This is a good thing – I know – and it’s satisfying to realize that your clothes that previously fit are now too big, but then you just put on smaller clothes that now fit like your bigger ones used to and you soon forget that you’ve lost weight because your new clothes actually fit. So, because my new clothes DO actually fit, I feel fat all over again because my clothing isn’t loose..and then I find myself thinking “God I shouldn’t have had that apple this morning.” I mean, seriously, how ridiculous is this way of thinking? But I know I’m not alone. I think that’s pretty common for all girls, maybe all people in general, and it’s funny how we all are able to hide it so well. I get told all the time how strong and confident I come across and I’m just thinking “really? Wow, if you REALLY knew how I felt on the inside…”

So, I think the question is, how do we, as people, correct this feeling of insecurity? I mean, what exactly do you do? How do you convince yourself that you ARE good enough and you ARE pretty enough? What’s the magic answer here? Because I just don’t know…and it’s hard to break yourself of this way of thinking.

Enough of being a Debbie Downer though (because I feel like that’s all I do with this blog…but I suppose that’s the point of having a blog…to express yourself, whatever you may be feeling). We saw Indy 4 last night. I’m in the minority apparently, but I was pretty let down. It was fun and entertaining, but it just didn’t have the same magic feeling as the last 3. I have problems with several things (spoilers ahead, so don’t read if you don’t want to know): #1 – the CGI gophers just didn’t cut it for me. #2 – I felt absolutley nothing for Indy or Mutt when they found out they were father/son. I felt like it should have illicted some sort of stronger emotional response out of me, but it just wasn’t there. Sure they showed some anger and what-not, but it was just too brief for me. I needed more. #3- Marion & Indy….loved the snarkiness and feistiness when they first saw each other…but I’m supposed to believe that at the end of that ONE day and only having seen each other for a few hours after not having seen each other for YEARS, they’re just suddenly back together with no questions asked? Right.

There are things that I did generally like though. I loved seeing the little “Indy” character traits in Mutt and I loved seeing Indy recognize those. Again, I loved the snarkiness between Indy & Marion when they first reunited. It felt like an Indiana Jones film (minus some of the magic). It looked like an Indiana Jones film. And overall I did enjoy it, but I do hope this is the last one. I, for one, am not really up for a “Mutt Jones” series. And I think I need to see this one again. I feel like my opinion might change some if I see it at a time when it isn’t 2am and I’m not ready to fall asleep. So we’ll see….I retain the right to change this opinion.

Why is it that running is so very different on the treadmill than it is on the actual street. I went running today for the first time in a while. I usually walk a mile or so every day with my dog, but it’s been a while since I’ve run. Anyway, so I go running. Why is it that I can run 2 miles on the treadmill like it’s nothing, but put me on actual pavement and I’m huffing and puffing and gasping for air after about 50 feet? Granted, I was trying to run up hills – something that I never had to tackle on the treadmill. Still. Needless to say, I felt pretty defeated.