Filed under: Film
The title of this post is a quote from the film “Away From Her.” It’s been a very long time since I’ve watched a film that actually made me feel so much. It stars Julie Christie, Gordon Pinsent & Olympia Dukakis. It’s about a man who has to institutionalize his wife after she develops Alzheimers, and then has to watch her day in and day out as she forgets him and turns her affections to another man who lives in the assisted living home with her.
When I say it was heartbreaking…I don’t mean just a little sad…I mean gut wrenchingly heartbreaking. To the point that by about halfway through the film, I was really wishing that I had never put it in. I’m not sure that there has ever been a film that I’ve had such a hard time watching. Don’t get me wrong – it is a great film and I think Julie Christie definitely deserved the Oscar nomination she received for it. It’s just so tragic and so disconcerting.
You can pretty much figure out early on that he wasn’t always the best husband and that there were some infidelities on his part, and you can see him wrestling with this guilt, but the way he loves this woman…and the way he needs her and begs her not to leave him…and the way you feel his pain when he realizes that she’s gone and that she’s found another man in the midst of losing herself…and the way he still goes every single day and watches her with this other man…and the extent to which he does things just to make sure she’s happy………I hope I am this lucky when I’m old and ill. Like I said, it’s just been a long while since I’ve been that moved, and that devastated watching a film.
I was really interested to see how men feel about this film because it’s quite possible that my reaction to it is simply because one of my weaknesses is old people…especially old couples in love…so I took a trip to rotten tomatoes (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/away_from_her/) this morning to read some of the reviews and was quite happy to see that male critics were also commenting on how tough it was to get through. One critic even said “‘Away From Her’ is at once one of the most romantic love stories and most frightening horror films I’ve ever seen. ”
So true, my friend. So true.
Filed under: Life
The whole point of this blog was to hone my writing skills, and I’ve really not been doing too much of that lately. I need to be writing every day, so I’m going to try to pick a topic each day and write for a bit. Or at least every other day. At least.
Today’s topic of choice is decision making. And I’m just going to go ahead and put it right on out there: I’m horrible at it. HORRIBLE at it. Forget asking me what I want to do. The answer will always, always be “I don’t care.” I don’t care? What kind of answer is that? To be honest, most of the time I just don’t care. I’m such a people pleaser that I would much rather go along with what someone else wants to do rather than come up with something of my own and put the other person through something they don’t want to do.
When I lived in Orlando, my friend Patricia, who is almost a carbon copy of me (or I of her), and I would play the “which way should we turn?” game, because neither of us had the ability to decide what we were going to do that day. We’d come out of our apartment complex and say “which way?” and the other would shout out a direction and that’s the way we would go…and we would continue this until we either got tired of it, or until we eventually ended up somewhere. It was a rather silly game, but it’s amazing how often this ended up happening.
So, for a person who cannot make a decision as simple as “what do you want to eat tonight,” imagine what it’s like trying to make large, life-changing decisions. I can assure you it isn’t easy. How do you really decide what is right and what is wrong when you have no gut feeling whatsoever? Life would be so much easier if there were big, bright, flashing neon signs pointing us in the right direction. Sadly though, as Agnes de Mille said: “No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our lives are made. Destiny is made known silently.”
I used to get really great gut feelings when I had a huge decision to make. I would “just know” in some way, shape or form if something I was contemplating was right or wrong. But what if you DON’T have that? What if you have no feeling whatsoever? What do you do in that case? Do you write out a list of pros and cons? Do you consult your friends and family and get their opinions? Do you pray and hope that you get an answer in some divine form? Someone once told me “When it comes down to making a decision, ask yourself, will I regret it more if I don’t do it, or if I do it.” But what if you don’t know the answer to that question? What then?
In the end, Stephen Shapiro has the right idea: “Overcome decidophobia, the fear of making decisions. Remember, in life there are no right decisions or wrong decisions. There are only decisions. And once you make a decision, avoid rethinking it. Although you want to learn from the past, don’t question the wisdom of your decision. Always move forward. Movement in any direction is better than stagnation or indecision. As the saying goes, ‘When you sit on the fence, you get splinters in your butt.’”
Filed under: Life
It’s Monday morning, I’m back at work and I’m sore as hell. I took Alex to meet some people very important in my life yesterday. My old youth director Joe & his wife Donna. They live in Georgia now on Lake Buckhorn (I think) and we went skiing and jetskiing and tubing and all of those things that you have to use muscles for. Muscles that don’t get used very often. And I. AM. SORE.
And you should also know that by skiing I mean trying to ski. Alex did great…he did much better than I did. He actually got up on the ski’s and stayed up for a while. Me, on the other hand….I got up once and went about 20 feet and fell. The rest of the times I just fell almost right off the bat. Sigh.
We also took Raimi with us yesterday because my only other option was leaving him cooped up at home for 12 hours. Another big, fat, sigh. For those who don’t know my dog, I have a 2 1/2 year old Border Collie named Raimi who pretty much is terrified of anything or anyone that he doesn’t see on a daily basis. I have no idea why he’s like this…I socialized him as a puppy…I’ve had him since he was 8 weeks old so I know he wasn’t abused…and no matter what I try he still goes crazy around people that he doesn’t know. Yesterday was scary though. He did so well for a while. We played ball…we went out on the boat…and everything was perfect until we got back from the boat ride and a little boy walked up to him. He went insane. Lunged at this little kid & 2 other people, growling and barking. And he wasn’t on a leash either so this made it worse. I was afraid he was going to bite someone.
The problem is that I have no clue what to do to correct this behavior. Actually, I know techniques to correct the behavior…but I don’t know how to calm his fears. I really need The Dog Whisperer to come help me. Do you hear me, Cesar? I need you. I hate not being able to take him anywhere without fearing that he’s going to eat someone alive. I’ve never had a people-hating dog before and I just don’t know how to handle it.
Anyone have any miracle answers for me?
I haven’t been to City Stages in ages. Actually, I’ve only been twice. Once was in high school. The second time was about 4 years ago when I went to see Graham Colton, and I was there for about an hour and left. This year, Alex was asked to shoot the festival, and considering The Flaming Lips were playing and we’re huge fans, we were pretty stoked to get free VIP passes. Then…as a very nice gesture, George McMillan gave us 2 guest VIP passes as well, so we found ourselves with 4 free passes for the weekend. Sweet.
Now, you’d think that VIP meant something. You’d think that “staff” passes meant something. You’d think that “guest” passes meant something. Well, yes, they do…they mean exactly the opposite of what you would expect. First off, they had a VIP area set up in a parking deck out by Linn Park. Friday night I waited in line almost half an hour just to get in. It was crazy. Once you get inside you can have all the free beer, wine, water, sodas that you want, and $3.00 mixed drinks. Here’s the deal though. You can’t leave the VIP area with them. Not even with water. So, if you want to drink for free, you have to stay in the VIP area and miss all of the acts. I understand their reasoning for it, because otherwise people could sneak out free booze to all their friends, but I would have liked to have been able to carry water around with me. But….I did get a free ride this weekend so who am I to complain?
Here was the real bitch about these passes. In order for Alex to shoot what he needed to shoot, he had to get into the sidestage area, which was just a fenced in area off to the side of the stage. All was fine and dandy during the day, but after 7pm the security became power hungry and would only let you in if you had a red staff pass or a coveted magic carpet pass. Well…..we had yellow passes. And it makes no sense that they wouldn’t let us in…considering the people in charge have hired Alex & Brian to shoot the festival. But the security Gods weren’t really even willing to hear our argument. Apparently a yellow shirt and flashlight gives you the power to rule the world. Who knew? Friday night the guy wouldn’t let me in, so I had to call Alex to come over and beg the guy to let me in. He did….reluctantly. Saturday night we had gotten in to shoot Buddy Guy (who was amazing, by the way) at 8:40. Afterwards we left the area for a while and came back around 10:00 to shoot Ben Harper. This guy at the gate told us we couldn’t come in…this is the same guy who let us in at 8:40 for Buddy Guy. Alex & I were both just like…are you kidding? You JUST let us in here. He said they were told at 7pm not to let yellow passes in anymore. Again, we said to him….we were JUST HERE. At 8:40. One hour and 40 minutes after 7pm and YOU let us in. So after some hesitation he let us in and said we were to tell everyone that “management” let us in if we were asked. Ok whatever. So, that crisis was averted, then we get in to find out that Ben Harper is apparently a diva who will not agree to anyone filming his performance. Whatever man.
Sunday…..The Flaming Lips…..sigh. How amazing are they? They’re the only well-known band I’ve ever seen whose lead singer stands onstage for 30 minutes before they started…just chillin’….waving to the crowd…helping up with set-up. Take a note Ben Harper. Sidenote, before I get into this…we managed to score two Magic Carpet passes on Sunday, which took care of the problem of getting into the sidestage area, because Magic Carpet Ride passes apparently go for $1,000 to the public and get you into the sidestage area as well as the Magic Carpet area with free food and drinks while you watch the show. So no more yellow passes for us. Thank God because I knew there was no way they would let us in for The Flaming Lips. Which brings me back to The Flaming Lips. They are pretty much what this entire festival was about for me. I mean…there are no words to describe them or their stage show. It’s just amazing. It’s fun. It’s theatrical. Wayne came in out a hamster ball and rolled across the crowd for Christ’s sake. I love them…plain and simple. I would’ve gladly paid my $30 for the day to see them had I not gotten lucky with free passes. Everyone needs to see them once in their lives. At least once….if not twenty times. The coolest thing, not for me unfortunately, was that Alex actually got to go onstage and shoot while they were playing. He’s pretty excited that he can say he was onstage with The Flaming Lips. Plus, he has them on his demo now…and we have some kick ass footage to play at parties lol. One depressing thing happened….we apparently missed the impromptu meet-n-greet after their stage show, which is sad because I don’t know if I’ll get that opportunity again. Such is life.
Pictures will follow when I have time to upload them.
Overall I actually did really enjoy the festival this year. I know I sound like a whiny spoiled brat, and that’s really not my intention. I was and am incredibly grateful to have been given everything I was so generously given this weekend. And I really did have a great time. If you didn’t go this year or haven’t ever been before, definitely check it out next year. The folks at McMillan who were running the show are such great people and they work really hard to bring this to Birmingham. Anyway, it was my first time being there 3 days in a row…and it was alot of fun and I saw alot of people who I haven’t seen in years. And there was funnel cake.
I mean, who doesn’t love funnel cake?
Filed under: Life
There are times in my life when things happen that make no sense and I cannot possibly understand God’s reasoning. This is one of those times…and I have to say it pisses me off a little.
